Confidence Is a Trainable Skill, Not Something You’re Born With
Most of us, at some point, find ourselves wondering how to get where we want to go professionally. Sometimes we know the next step but doubt ourselves; sometimes we feel unsure and look for confirmation or support.
Oddly, even though we are surrounded by people, many of us keep our ambitions quiet. Why? A lack of confidence. We fear that if we say our goals out loud, they’ll be judged - or worse, that we’ll have to commit to them. But here’s the truth: neither judgment nor commitment is bad. They’re simply part of the process and well worth learning to be dealth with.
The Myth of “Natural Confidence”
We often admire people who seem unshakably confident - like Taylor Swift, when she talks about her business decisions and new projects on the New Heights podcast with the Kelce brothers. Whether you love her music or not, the way she owns her vision is inspiring.
But here’s what we usually miss: confidence like that is rarely innate. It’s built. Even high achievers most likely developed their confidence step by step - by clarifying their vision, practicing their skills, and learning to trust themselves through setbacks. Research in psychology shows that confidence is largely the product of experience, self-efficacy, and resilience, not just personality.
In other words: confidence is less about being born with it, and more about training for it.
A Client Story: From Specialist to Manager
One of my clients illustrates this perfectly. She was transitioning from a specialist role into management and felt deeply insecure about her leadership skills. Together, we worked on:
Vision: clarifying the kind of manager she wanted to become.
Tools: using frameworks like Patrick Lencioni’s “Five Dysfunctions of a Team” model to understand team dynamics.
Habits: setting up regular 1:1s with her team and stakeholders, and introducing simple self-regulation practices.
Within just a few sessions, she reported feeling noticeably more confident. Not because she “suddenly became confident,” but because she had started practicing confidence - in small, structured steps.
The Science of Confidence
Psychologists describe this as self-efficacy — the belief in our ability to succeed in specific tasks. Self-efficacy grows when we:
Experience mastery - succeed in small, manageable challenges.
See role models - watch others like us succeed.
Receive encouragement - feedback from mentors, peers, or coaches.
Manage emotions - learning to regulate stress and focus.
Over time, these repeated experiences literally reshape how we see ourselves.
A Tool You Can Try Today
Here’s a simple way to start training confidence: Confidence Laddering.
Pick an area where you lack confidence (e.g., public speaking, leading meetings).
Break it into small steps, from easiest to hardest. Example for meetings:
Climb the ladder step by step, celebrating each success.
Reflect after each step: What went better than expected? What did you learn?
This tool draws from exposure and mastery learning techniques used in psychology and education. Each rung builds evidence for your brain that you can handle challenges, turning fear into competence.
References to other research used in this post
Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W.H. Freeman.
Stajkovic, A. D., & Luthans, F. (1998). Self-efficacy and work-related performance: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 124(2), 240–261.
Schunk, D. H., & DiBenedetto, M. K. (2020). Motivation and social-emotional learning: Theory, research, and practice. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 60, 101830.
